Happy New Year everyone! I should also say Happy Birthday to Edward Van Halen and Wayne Gretzky while I'm at it :D
So, it's 2009, so far it's been...interesting. I can't necessarily say it's been good or bad, though the ups have been considerably memorable so far and the downs are ones I can probably get over in no time. That said, it hasn't been all sugar mice and sunshine these days, which is an interesting and generally different approach to how things have been for me this past year.
Sometimes I go through my phases. These days, I've pretty much been thinking about the friends I've been able to maintain for awhile, and the ones I've lost. Let me tell you: The ones you think about the most are the ones you're more likely to lose. Why is that? Because I could consider some random guy a good friend, we stop talking, and really, it's not the end of the world to me. Then I could lose a fantastic friend by just growing apart, and the memories you have with them haunt you for awhile, because you realize those memories probably won't happen again, despite how much fun you had. And then, in the end, that's all you have...memories.
Don't ask me why I've been thinking about this lately because frankly, I couldn't tell you. Part of the reason is because I was just talking to someone today who I, at one point last year, considered my best friend in Lockport. She was always there for me, always for a good laugh, or just to have fun. I've seen her once the last two months and have hardly even spoken to her in that time, and frankly, it hurts. I miss her a lot, but I guess it's just a lesson of life?
Why do these things bother me so much and, to quote myself, "haunt" me? Perhaps it's just me being used to losing people I care about. Which is why I get so close to them and jump through rings of fire to make them happy, because the last thing I want to do is lose THEM, too. I've been lucky enough to have one best friend for fourteen years and another for eleven. The problem is, they live too far away from me to see them on a consistent basis. I haven't found someone I can consistently rely on here, which bothers me and really does make me uncomfortable at times, because if things go horribly, horribly wrong, I really don't have anyone I can fall back on.
That's not to say I don't have anyone to rely on. There are a select few who know who they are who I feel very good about these days. It's just that, considering my track record with people, I get a little paranoid about my relationships with people. It's why I hope people understand that when I get close to them, it's not just being annoying or overbearing. It's because, mentally, I'm afraid of losing another person in my life.
You know, if it were baseball season, I wouldn't have this much time to think :D
Ahh, so, typical intro rant aside, things have been interesting. The year started off in typical positive fashion. Spent a few days by Dale's, just did random stuff up at his place before migrating back home. Funny thing is we didn't really do anything worth talking about, just random bullshitting around, like we usually do whenever I stay over in the winter.
So, at home, this one girl and I became really close just a few days after I returned. For those who don't know, we had a very long history together and I guess things just came full circle with us and we started a relationship. I really liked her, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't anymore, because I do. But things happened, understandable things which nobody could really control, and for that, I totally understand that it didn't work out. I can hold out hope for the future, but as of now I really don't know how possible that is at this point. It hasn't gotten me down too much, guess it's the optimist inside of me. Oh well. She knows I wish her the best in everything she does, and she knows that I'm always going to be in the same place I am right now.
School's been fine, par for the course lately. My semester GPA was a 3.4 so I really have no complaints about that, and this quarter has been going by very well so far as well. School hasn't been much of a problem over the past year and a half, it's probably just the biggest annoyance I have to deal with for nine months of my life. And this weather certainly isn't inspiring enough for me to give a damn whenever I wake up in the morning, either.
One positive these days was the Cubs Convention, which was a decent haul again this year. Pulled off Billy Williams, Rich Harden, Ted Lilly, Sean Marshall, Doug Glanville, and Reed Johnson. Certainly not as noteworthy as the past couple years, but successful regardless. Of course, the Convention makes you yearn for baseball, which makes the currently-eighteen days before pitchers and catchers report to Arizona so much more excruciating. Still, more than halfway through the offseason and the first Spring Training game is one day less than a month away! So I'm starting to get excited.
That's about it. You can see there are bittersweet feelings running through me these days and really, they aren't as bad as I make them seem. Just too much time to think these days, about whatever crosses my mind. I need baseball, concerts and new music releases, etc., help take my mind off everything. This is how I was this time last year so I really can see myself bouncing back from where I am now.
Plans for next month? I'm really looking past February and crossing my fingers for March to come as soon as it possibly could, mostly for purposes of baseball and weather (but if it's anything like last year, the weather won't improve until May). February is easily my least favorite month of the year, always has been. I do have plans for this weekend, may head up by Sean's for the Super Bowl. Would be a nice end and a good beginning to the month of February. After that, no plans until March 2, nothing for Valentine's Day, etc.
Eh, I'm done. I have an English outline to do and can't think of a legitimate outro. See you next month!
-Zach
Monday, January 26, 2009
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